This is the history of February 6th from my collection of journals.
12 years ago today… I cut myself but I didn’t like it and wondered how this girl I had a crush on could do it every day.
10 years ago today… I felt ignored by my friends at school, I wrote about feeling dead inside, then went on to write a Nightcrawler fanfic.
9 years ago today… I was disappointed that Grade 12 wasn’t going well and I also had a $35/hour job teaching piano lessons.
8 years ago today… I wrote about how I didn’t want to get drunk on my 18th birthday (that’s the legal drinking age in Alberta) because I didn’t want to have a panic attack and embarrass myself. I wrote a short story that was well received in my creative writing class. I applied to take music education at University of Alberta.
7 years ago today… I wrote about how much I hated myself but I thought Paxil seemed to be working. I was afraid that I would get serious withdrawals if I ever tried to stop (which ended up happening).
6 years ago today… I was spiritually confused and was plagued by semi-delusional magical thoughts about demons and shadow men. Was convinced I was experiencing the first stages of Schizophrenia… seemed oddly at ease about my fate.
5 years ago today… I got kicked out of an opera because I had to work a shift at Starbucks. I wrote 6 pages talking shit about Mozart. Got stuck in a lavender evening gown at the mall and it took me 20 minutes to free myself. Hung out with 4 Irish strangers my roommate and I met at the bar.
4 years ago today… Wrote several pages talking shit about Joseph Smith. Made weird references to Mary Baker Eddy and Val Kilmer.
2 years ago today… went to House of Pies with my roommate and our friend Sergio. Had a panic attack and hid in the restroom for 15 minutes.
1 years ago today… had my first show of the year but it doesn’t say where. I ate a whole box of chocolate chip cookies. Had so much caffeine that I thought I was having a heart attack.
